A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night
with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the
emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde
replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide
by shooting off the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought 'I just paid $6000 for these breast implants, I'm not
shooting myself in the chest'.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to get my teeth
straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth'.
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, 'This is going to
make a loud noise', so I put my finger in the other ear before I
pulled the trigger."
A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it
over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and
opens the trunk.
Out jump two men in trench coats who get in position at the rear of the
vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their
coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this
highway occurs.
It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly
enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What
the heck is going on here?"
My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.
And she said...
"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
A highway patrolman was astonished to see a car speeding along on the
highway. Glancing at the car he was astonished to see a blond behind the wheel
was knitting. The Trooper saw this, cranked down his window and
yelled......"PULL OVER!"
"NO," yelled the blonde. "SCARF!"
Two blondes were talking and one couldn't help but notice how
pretty and beautiful the other's skin was. So she asked her
outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.
"Well, once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk and just
soak in it."
So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd
like to buy a lot of milk."
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."
He asked, "Pasturized?"
"No, just up to my tits."
Just when you think you've heard them all, there's this one:
A blonde went to a world wide mesage center to send a message to her
mother overseas When the man told her it would cost $300.00, she
exclaimed, " I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get
a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched and eyebrow, "ANYTHING?"
"Yes, ANYTHING", the blonde
promised. With that, the man said, "Follow Me". He walked into the next
room and ordered, "Come in and close the door. " She did. He then said,
"Get on your knees." She did. He then said, "Take down my zipper." She
did. He then said, "Go ahead...... take it out." She took it out and
grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and
whispered, "Well..... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth
closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she
said................. "Hello, MOM??????"
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde
went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1
and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That`s not what I
meant, but she`s
right." "What two days of the week start with the
letter `T`?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a
correct answer that
he had never thought of himself.
"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then
thought really hard
for a minute and finally admitted, "I don`t know."
"Well, why don`t you go home and work on that one
for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor,
where her pals were
waiting to hear the results of the interview. The
blonde was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I`m already
working on a
murder case!"
