GOOD GRIEF
Copyright 1999 by Bob Wyman
In what police say was an apparent suicide, comic strip character
Charlie Brown was found dead earlier today in his room. Brown, 45, had
been despondent most of his life due mainly to the successes of his
friends, foes and in particular, his dog "Snoopy". Linus Van Pelt, 41, a
textile manufacturer specializing in blankets said, "Summer was always
rough on Charlie, what with baseball season in full swing and never
having won a game in his life. Add that to going bald in childhood then
you can sympathize."
"What a shmuck!" added Lucy Van Pelt, Linus'
older sister. "I gave him years of therapy at only a nickel per session
but Charlie never did get a grip on reality." Pausing momentarily in
thought she added,"I guess he finally gripped it today."
"Peppermint" Patty, former stripper turned Lesbian activist said of her
old friend, "After his divorce from that little red-haired bitch Chuck
would only come out to feed that damn dog of his. That dog was farther
into fantasy than Chuck could ever hope for. I'm surprised he lasted
this long!"
Other friends added that Brown had suffered for years
from dizzy spells due to repeated falls incurred while trying
unsuccessfully to place-kick footballs.
Brown is survived by his
mother, a trombone who was unintelligible for comment. Another friend,
Pigpen died in 1973 after a concert tour with the rock group Grateful
Dead. No services are planned and insiders speculate that Mr. Brown
will probably just be erased.
Bob sent this in way back in October 1999. Kind of gives you
an idea of the turnaround time on these things :-) Somehow it seems appropriate now! --Christine O
