KNIGHTS OF THE OVAL OFFICE AND OTHER JOKES
These are some of the funniest Clinton jokes I have heard in a long time. Many thanks to Mosley
and our man Dave in the UK.
KNIGHTS OF THE OVAL OFFICE
In honor of all the sexcapades happening in Washington, we
thought this joke might be appropriate to show that throughout
history some things never change.
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried
about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those
lonely knights of the Round Table. So he went to his famous wizard,
Merlin, for some advice.
After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked
thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he
could come up with something.
A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where
the good wizardwas showing him his latest invention. It was a
chastity belt...except it had a rather large hole in the most
obvious place.
"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this
opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"
"Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered
workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected
his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He
then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt
whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can
leave knowing that my queen is fully protected."
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out
upon his Quest.
Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately
he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop
their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or
damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahadhis.
"Sir Galahadhis," exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true
knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me.
What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
But Sir Galahadhis was speechless.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT THEY REALLY AREN'T
FOR OFFICE WORKERS:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number ONE thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
FOR LAWYERS:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number ONE thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
WHITE HOUSE VOICE MAIL
Thank you for calling the White House.
You have reached the White House voice mail system.
No one is available to take your call at this time because the entire
administration is out to lunch.
Please follow these instructions carefully to leave your message.
When you are finished, don't hang up until the FBI finishes tracing the call.
Have a nice day.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for the president, press 9.
If your are female and would like to leave a message for the president,
press M-O-T-E-L-6.
To leave a message for Mrs. Clinton, press N-O-W.
If you are male and would like to leave a message for Chelsea, press
N-O-W-A-Y.
To leave a message for Buddy, press D-O-G.
To leave a message for Socks, press D-O-G-F-O-O-D.
To leave a message for Roger Clinton, press A-A.
To leave a message for Ted Kennedy, press 7-A-N-D-7.
If you are from Arkansas, ask the next person who walks by to show you
which button has a 2 on in and then press it.
If you are calling with a question about affirmative action, press 3 and
step to the back of the phone booth.
If you are calling to arrange a night in the Lincoln bedroom, press
D-O-L-L-A-R.
If you are calling to arrange a White House coffee, press Y-E-N.
If you are calling to support Hillary's birth control program, press
F-R-I-G-I-D.
If you are calling leave a message for Janet Reno, press W-A-C-O.
To leave a message for the president's advisor on women's rights, press O-J.
To leave a message for a member of Congress, press B-I-G-D-O-N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
To leave a message for the Gore2000 campaign, press H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S.
To speak to an operator, press 0.
To speak to a slick operator, stay on the line and the president will
answer your call shortly.
